I:

(enfp, future peripatetic and/or cat owner)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A video and a story at 1 in the morning...

SHE AND HER CAT

It's by Shinkai.
I can't stand the stuff a lot of people watch these days. Adults drooling over Naruto and Full Moon and stuff... I mean, it's a bit childish, I guess. I don't know. Perhaps I'm just biased, but I like stuff like Haibane Renmei and Satoshi Kon's films a whole lot. KyoAni's nice. And I LOVE Kimi ga Nozomu Eien!
Tragic, beautiful stuff. Makes you think.
Then again, some loli hentai or something every so often doesn't hurt ;)

Oh, also...
Here's the first part of my story for English. I can't think of an ending. It's really been bugging the shit out of me.

'^' <-- it's a new kind of sad smiley, i think... Here:

It was pouring by the time he had arrived at the doors of the city station. Greeted by automatic doors and cold steel and escalators and glass ceilings and harsh halogen lights and silence at 2 in the morning, tired. It was a dream.
But still he dragged his soaked luggage and a wet Rolling Stone through this empty expanse, past nobody else at all.

The train had already come earlier this evening, but he thought maybe he could wait out the rain a bit and board tonight. He regretted it more than anything now.

Down the escalators,
Onto the linoleum of the platform,
Waited on a cold metal bench,
Tuned out the harsh edges of reality with loud music. Nirvana. Freedom from the vicious cycle.
But then the train arrived, glided to a stop,
And it was still raining outside the station, right now, probably. The boy yawned,

And he stepped into an empty cabin. No, there was a girl in the very front right seat.
Don’t mind her. Ignore her. It might be a bit lonely, but save yourself the embarrassment and sit alone. And he was about to sit down in the very first seat to the right.
But she spoke.
“Can you sit over here?”
.
“Uh… alright.” he said, but he was more than happy.

The PA announced the closing of the train’s doors monotonously.
“It’s a bit lonely at 2 in the morning is all. Someone to talk to would be nice.” She looked up at him.
Short, short hair, short shorts, a cami, and a hoodie. He eyed the cup noodles on her fold-out table.
“They have ramen in the vending machines over there. Here, if I had a cup, I’d pour some out for you"

“Not hungry…” Lies. He sat down across from her, in a window seat, and pulled his earphones out.
Silence now.

“So where are you headed?”

“Kaohsiung,” he replied.

(“Oh, I love the bookstore there!” she cried)

“I went to an English school two, three years back.”

“It’s nice to do that, I think.” She said this as she glanced out the window. The rain came harder than ever now, he thought, but it was silenced by the sigh of the AC.
“Reliving old memories, I mean. There’s a bookstore there, you know? It’s on the very top level of that mall… What’s it called?”

“Sogo? The fashion mall, right?”
It did have one on the top floor, right? Or was it a theatre?

“The Bookstore on Top of the World.”

“Is that what it’s called?”

“No, just in my mind.” She smiled. “But it is amazing. I used to think that when I got to college, maybe I could visit every day. Reality fades away when you’re reading.”

She paused.

“I think life is really stressful and overly complicated. You have to give them all a good performance, but it’s not what you really think. And maybe you could tell them how you really feel, but they think you’re just acting. And either way, you feel so guilty in the end because you can’t do anything… like… have you seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s?”

“I don’t think so. Was that the Hepburn one?”
He looked out the window. Black. They were out of the city now, he thought, or maybe underground.

“You should see it. Audrey’s amazing.” She yawned.
“Are you tired?”

“Not really. You can sleep now if you want.”

She took off her jacket and bunched it into a ball. Makeshift pillow.
“Um, hey… did I get your name?” She closed her eyes.

“Trent.”

“Are you single, Trent?”

“I had a girlfriend in Kaohsiung. Alice."

“What was she like?”

“She was really nice. We went to the carousel together the day just before I left. It was raining, but she wanted to go to the carousel because it would be just like in Catcher, and she looked so nice with the rain running down her face…”
But he caught himself.
“That could have been a line from a bad Korean soap opera...”

She laughed. “Keep going.”

So he told her about how he first met her when he arrived at the boarding school.
He talked about shaved ice in the summer and the comic market in the winter.
He talked about visiting her dorm before the typhoons and watching anime under the colorless and rain-drenched skies, about lonely work at a 7-Eleven’s through the summer nights, about riding mopeds through the neon jungle, about adult video games, 24-hour cafés, stray cats, cheap noodles, the carousel, the carousel, and he kept mentioning the carousel because she loved the carousel a lot.

I shouldn’t be here, she would say, or I don’t belong here, or I want to disappear, and he would take her out for ice cream, or coffee, or maybe just shower her in compliments if he was short on cash.

And often times, he thought, I wonder if life would get better, because it’s so frustratingly empty right now, and he would drown himself out in music, and he would never tell her. Sometimes he wasn’t even sure if he liked her so much, but he wished he did.

And so he promised her that one day, when he was done with his studies, he could return all tired and sweaty, and luggage behind him, and his breath in the air, and cranky taxi drivers in taxis, and they could rent an apartment, and they could live together, and all his friends would be next door, and his sister could visit in the summer, maybe, and…

The girl was asleep.

Somewhere between 3 and 4, he got up and bought some grapefruit juice from the vending machine. Amidst the typhoon, the neon signs of the city danced back and forth like ghosts.

Actually, I hate it now. I hate it completely, and with a passion......................
I was so happy the night I wrote it. I thought it was the best thing in the world. But now? UUUUGGGHHH...

But there was one line I liked in my story....


The world is a pretty big place, he thought. A pretty empty place.

There was the occasional lonely ghost waiting under the bus shelter on spring mornings,

The torrential storms that drains and bleaches the sky every summer,

The autumn evenings spent alone at old manga cafés after school,

The nice ramen they sell in the street booths on cold winter nights,

The trains over water and hundreds and thousands of neon lights that dance from dusk to dawn and hundreds and thousands of satellites that litter the sky like the pool after a storm.

But that wasn’t much, he thought.

it's nice, I think. If i was a visual novel writer, I could rely on music and pictures to do the other 2/3...

But I guess I'm not THAT bad a writer. Just not the best, and maybe a bit corny at times.



Saturday, March 28, 2009

So here are the pics from Taiwan ^ - ^












underlined and bold.... Here they are! Taiwan! YAAAAAY!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Another post, another school project...

See, the thing about these posts is I never have time or motivation to post anything on a normal school day. My number of posts is kinda symolic to the number of projects I've put off till the last minute, see? This is my second, so far. Cheers.

What do I have to talk about?



Hmmm... I've been dreaming about a certain girl recently. I like her a lot, and she likes me, I think. So I think it's going to end up nicely somehow, someday, even if I am moving to Taiwan for two years. I know it. Like leaving my friends for two years or not measuring up to the Me of my dreams... It'll work out, you know? I was walking home on Friday and I saw a light coming through a fence, like a portal from another dimension, maybe, and I just wanted to get a glance of what was on the other side... a perfect world, maybe?

Oh, shit, I started thinking about those ghosty articles i read online and im so scared... god, that window... think happy thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 I love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It'll work out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Everyone loves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and maybe i'll be famous someday!!!!!!!!!!the whole world will turn its head! i'll fade away, but i guess it doesn't matter anymore, because i'll have changed something big, to cover up for how much i've mess up so far...

PERFCTION!



and there you have it. the rambling thoughts of a teenage kid. Oh, and a picture! A mosaic from some activity I found on the SurvivingINFP blog, like a mosaic of my life or something. Except with grapefruit juice. I'm in love with that city pic, though.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Staying Up...



Pic completely unrelated...
It's like... 12:56 right now. I'm staying up to do homework, and I'll probably be on for the next two or three hours. School is horrible. We sleep at 12 and wake up at 6 to go work our asses off until bedtime... I'm serious, how the hell am I going to use quadratic equations in my life?

So anyway, this week was perfectly horrible... I'm caving in from the stress again, going back to acting immature, whiny and self-loathing, school-loathing...

God, I can't wait until we move to Taiwan. I'll be free there, I'm sure. I can waste the night away at a cafe, and then sleep all afternoon to the sound of that hurricane shit that floods the cities every summer...

I'll be so happy. I'll leave my best friend, and this girl I really, really love, who loves me as well, but perhaps it'll all work out. I just want to escape from the stress and choking mediocrity and pointlessness of my current life...
Maybe I'll post a pic of Taiwan I took over the summer or something if I have the time...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Long, Retarded Rant (please ignore)

Today is one of those days...
It's snowing, I'm in love, and maybe I deserve to feel happy for once, but I'm really, really upset.

Perhaps it's the fact that I have a crush on three girls at once, or perhaps it's because I look bad and can't ever afford to buy the kind of clothes that I've planned to dress in, or perhaps it's because I can never be that relaxed, kind, social guy I want to be, or...

I think I'll take a personality quiz. Most only ever say good things about you. The ones that criticize you enough never get popular.

It's true, isn't it?

Hmmm...

I would like very much to scream something to the world and give my ideas all the attention they could ever wish for. I would like to be able to write my own Story, without anything ever interfering with my plans... play God for a day, though I'm sure I wouldn't be fit for the job even for such a time...

It's like the 90's, right? Gen X, Nirvana, burning out...

I would like to burn out. Perhaps I'll be remembered for saying "The world is beautiful" at the end of a tragic life... the irony!

But perhaps happiness is the most important thing.

Just chemicals swirling in your brain... dopamine and endorphins? Are we all just little wind-up bunnies programmed to feed our desires and prosper? Perhaps. But it doesn't matter... I would like to be happy, to make others happy (how foolish, when we only get so long to enjoy ourselves)...

Taoism is a nice philosophy, though I don't quite understand all of it.

A boy at our school has disappeared. I hope to God he hasn't killed himself. I would like to tell him how much I miss him when he gets back, if he ever does...

I would like to be bisexual.

Sometimes I don't even know what I'm talking about.

And perhaps I've ranted enough now. I can't seem to make myself feel any better, nor can I write at all today. It's coming out very forced and cheesy, like a bad teen novel full of male Mary-Sue vampires...

And I'm too lazy to post a drawing today, or even a picture of Kurt.

Maybe I'll be somebody someday.



Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Downward Spiral


I love that album.
This might be the only unique thing to come out of the 80's. Alright, I'm kidding. There's stuff like Front 242 and then there's stuff like Appetite for Destruction that I really can't say is bad,

But this album,
Wow.
No, seriously, it's up there with Dark Side.
It's up there with The Little Prince, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Catcher in the Rye, and I have horrible taste in books.







I was reading Night the other night.
I thought, this book doesn't move me at all, and it should. Alright, that violin scene had me shed a few tears, but apart from that...
Music doesn't move me the way it should.
My love life, my friends, it's all so much better in my head. Reality never quite measures up.
Everything is in my head these days. "Life is but a dream," from an Aria ad.
Hmmmmm? Maybe I'm just a narcissist. Maybe that's why I'm here, blogging about it, right?
Lalalalalaaaaa....

But the world really is beautiful.
Remember that.
When people are mean to you, or maybe when you're mean to yourself, you can look up to the sky and see a contrail just drifting and perhaps that's how you feel. I have no idea. It never quite works for me, and I go home and play grunge, which never quite works either.
So then I just sleep for hours and maybe dream about what could have been.

But on a side note, grunge is amazing.
It's music that speaks to me. Like that other stuff, psychedelia, industrial, hip-hop, dance, whatever music I'm in love with, it's so fake... it takes tons of money and production and time...
I mean, I'm satisfied wiht the results, yeah, just...
Grunge is raw. You site down after a stressful day, put the amp all the way up, play your fucking brains out,

"TO HELL WITH THIS WORLD! TO HELL WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! I WISH I COULD DISAPPEAR! WHY CAN'T IT ALL WORK OUT?"


and you mean it, and you lose yourself until the moment you decide to open your eyes again.

Speaking of which, read Solanin.
I mean that.
Read it. Finish it.
It's one of the few good things I've found...
The girl, the guys, I just think they're such real characters, and the stuff they do is so cute sometimes, like the mailbox guy and the frog thing... Yaaaaaay!

Why am I bolding the first sentence of every paragraph? :P

Hey, I had this big project today. Actually 5. It's that time of the month again... I never start my projects until the day before they're due. God, I'm stressed like you have no idea what.

But back to manga. We lolicons have this negative association with us these days, like we're pedophiles or something. Even if that's what we are, most of us are too introverted, closety, munching on Pocky (which really is overrated) kinda guys to really do much.
>.< <---aaaaaaaa cute! But hey, I haven't touched it in a while, actually. I don't want to be arrested like that Handley guy.

That loli clock that this girl reviewed that I originally found on Sankaku (godly site :o) really is quite cute...
^ - ^

Yaaaay! I'm in love with cute stuffs! I drew eyes on a balloon yesterday and made him into a seal (or maybe a neon-colored boob if you squeeze all the water to this one side...). He was kinda leaking at first, out of his nose, so I went around giving these seal kisses to everyone! He's alright now, for some reason. I left him in a cup overnight, so I guess he recovered!

Hey, I'll post a pic if I ever remember, alright?

What was I on about originally? TDS... Riiiight.
Hey, Trent's so hot, you have no idea... like those other guys, Pete Wentz, Matt Bellamy, whateverrrr... Trent, he's got that serious, sad look in his eyes, that tall face, that seriously sweet hair that he HAD TO CUT. (see the pics?)
And alas, he has lost his awesomeness.


Unlike Kurt, who remains amazing and godly.

His early stuff was great. What happened to stuff like TDS and Pretty Hate Machine? It's like his ideas went away with his hair... so sad... T-T <---see, those sad smileys don't work with this font... Hey, whatever, I'm about done ranting. It's almost 12, and i haven't touched my chem in a while... Oh, one last thing. I wish I was a girl.......................... Even more, I wish everyone was all equally nice and loving................... I'm so jealous of everyone all the time SO JEALOUS AAAAAAAA........ Hmmmm, whatever, back to chem, la di laaaa.

And one other last thing:
That black guy has some amazing wall-flipping skills ;P

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Just Another Teen Blog


So today, while we were chatting, my friend suggested that I create a blog. Don't think I haven't tried before. I have. It's just that sometime after that first post, all motivation died within me, and alas...

But after I read this guy's, I think I'll give it another shot. I guess it's not much different from a journal, anyway. And it's much harder to lose.

Hmmm...

Here's to another shot at mediocre teen blogging:

Psychic Spy Satellites!

(kurt and a cat)-->