5 Years Time

or two?

Fear stuff

I fear a spirit spidermonkey, and rub your ears before bed so the demons can't enter, and never think about aliens without a tin-foil hat...
I fear thoughts coming to life. A serial killer, public urination, a chain of snot.
I'm afraid someone is reading this, but I love the attention, secret admiration,
and it's not good to hide your troubles.
I'm afraid my openness, like God, is dead.

Broken relationships, or not feeling anything from broken relationships,
or feeling guilt for not feeling anything,
but I wish I could tell her I love her and mean it, and maybe after 2 years, everything could be just the way it was before, or better, perhaps...
"It wasn't so hard, after all," we might say, and laugh, on the bridge. Maybe I'll come back during the winter and it'll be the first time I see snow on the water.

Where will the ducks go in the winter, I wonder.

At the bottom of the blog...

there's a counter. Only 55 days until the move. It's taunting me.

Spirit Animals

My friend said I was perhaps a gecko or a mouse or some other small animal, but i want to be a bird, like be free and reckless, small and gentle and flying...
Is it my glasses, perhaps? Does that give off a gecko vibe?
Pisces.

If I was God...

I would make the world a more beautiful place. E and shrooms would be their Bible, and maybe once in a while, I would make miracles happen, or perhaps come and visit.

I'd make everyone really want to love one another.
And I would let the people choose whom they want to fall in love with. They wouldn't have to lose their temper or struggle with misplaced love or selfishness.

And I don't know what I would do about suffering. Sometimes something wrong makes an ideal so much more appealing, and inequality gives you something to fight against. But I wouldn't be so good of a god anymore if I just wanted a good play to watch, would I?

I think I'd make a bad god.

But...
At least my people wouldn't feel like sputniks.

Hey... today, I talked to an old friend of mine, and she was very nice... and the art teacher complimented my artwork quite a lot... like "best I've ever seen!"

I was happy, I guess.
Yet I felt arrogant and commercialized and fake and angry at myself...

And I've been so depressed this week because of this story I read... Here<-- Genie, I wish I could have saved her. Why did they stop helping her? I wish I could help her.

Sometimes I do wish the world was like this really beautiful place.

Rain stuffs....

It'll rain tomorrow.

Rain, rain, rain... I slept for two hours because of the rain.. it drowns out all the noise and drains the sky of all its colors... how cliche.
i used to say it was like God crying, but that sounds cliche as well.

But the umbrella was too small the other day. I was soaked and the tips of my pant-legs clung to me as I walked for the rest of the day... cold,cold,cold.... I went to bed with asthma that night and woke up sick.

Rain is much more beautiful in stories.

Maybe

one day i'll be amazing
and this blog will be a time capsule...