I love that line. It feels like a Godamount of emptiness and angriness, all built up in a mess of tangled wires and confusion and screaming.
"But inside your heart it is BLACK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!" See, I can't even write it in lowercase letters. It's angry, and it wants something to fill it all up again. I want something amazing to appear.
It's dinnertime, or close, anyway.
A Nine Inch Nails cover band, a comic, and something else, I think... The Floor is Lava is a great game. Seesaws are godly. The people here are all so amazing, and sometimes I'm more amazing, and other times I'm just a little lower than them all, but they're all very amazing.
"BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART IT IS DARK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!"
"BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART IT IS DARK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!"
"BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART IT IS DARK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!"
"BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART IT IS DARK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!"
"BUT INSIDE YOUR HEART IT IS DARK AND IT'S HOLLOW AND IT'S COLD!"
Like, there's not much love.
It's like some sort of empty beehive, waxy and gross.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SPECIAL PERSON!
It's your 17th year on this planet! That officially makes you older and more experienced than me.
I really do wish I could go to your birthday, or at least give you a present, but unfortunately, all the stuff I would give you is still in Taiwan... I certainly hope it gets through soon enough...
Hmm... it's always harder to write something genuine and all without sounding horribly corny... harder when there's horrible R&B playing in the background...
Um...
Let's not ever leave each other, even after all the feelings are gone and it gets really hard, and two years and a thousand miles can't kill us! Let's prove all the skeptics and annoyingly-proby moms wrong!
Haha, that was quite horrible and corny...
Hmmm...
Well, I hope you have a nice 17th year on this earth! And I suppose I've told you this already somewhere else, but here's a secret: you are invincible, and you'll always be invincible! Don't listen to the critics!
And maybe my biggest question is what kind of cake you'll get. I'm sure nobody could bake a cake even half as good as you can, but making a cake for yourself is pretty redundant, isn't it? They have some pretty weird cake flavors, by the way. And ham isn't one of them, but ham is just the grossest thing ever. Who would want to eat meat drenched in salt water? Unless they're really deficient on sodium or something...
Well, it's hard to write well-ly with all that horrible pop music blasting, but happy 17th year on earth! I hope you find something amazing to live for and plenty of amazing people! And be sure to tell me when that something amazing shows up, because I'm looking harder than anything!
NEVER SAY DIE! Be invincible, awesome person! Defeat the world!
sincerely, you-know-who!
I really do wish I could go to your birthday, or at least give you a present, but unfortunately, all the stuff I would give you is still in Taiwan... I certainly hope it gets through soon enough...
Hmm... it's always harder to write something genuine and all without sounding horribly corny... harder when there's horrible R&B playing in the background...
Um...
Let's not ever leave each other, even after all the feelings are gone and it gets really hard, and two years and a thousand miles can't kill us! Let's prove all the skeptics and annoyingly-proby moms wrong!
Haha, that was quite horrible and corny...
Hmmm...
Well, I hope you have a nice 17th year on this earth! And I suppose I've told you this already somewhere else, but here's a secret: you are invincible, and you'll always be invincible! Don't listen to the critics!
And maybe my biggest question is what kind of cake you'll get. I'm sure nobody could bake a cake even half as good as you can, but making a cake for yourself is pretty redundant, isn't it? They have some pretty weird cake flavors, by the way. And ham isn't one of them, but ham is just the grossest thing ever. Who would want to eat meat drenched in salt water? Unless they're really deficient on sodium or something...
Well, it's hard to write well-ly with all that horrible pop music blasting, but happy 17th year on earth! I hope you find something amazing to live for and plenty of amazing people! And be sure to tell me when that something amazing shows up, because I'm looking harder than anything!
NEVER SAY DIE! Be invincible, awesome person! Defeat the world!
sincerely, you-know-who!
Essential definitions in the world of moi.
Life (sing, n.):
1. That horribly chaotic time between your birth and your death when you try to discover why everyone exists and how everyone can keep on existing while you simultaneously try to make yourself and everyone else better and happier.
Happiness (sing, n.)
1. Sex, drugs, and everywhere and everyone new and dangerous. (see “partiness”)
2. Surges of electricity that pass from someone you love to you when you come into physical contact with them. May also pass through telephone wires and emails, however weaker. (see “love”)
3. Ramen on a cold day. (see “satellitiness”)
4. When you will not and cannot die until you squeeze something amazing out of life.
Emotions (sing, n.)
1. Shallow, annoying, uncontrollable creatures that show up at all the wrong times and go missing when you need them most.
Art (sing, n.):
1. Lame, supermarket-frozen, concentrated juice of emotions.
1. That horribly chaotic time between your birth and your death when you try to discover why everyone exists and how everyone can keep on existing while you simultaneously try to make yourself and everyone else better and happier.
Happiness (sing, n.)
1. Sex, drugs, and everywhere and everyone new and dangerous. (see “partiness”)
2. Surges of electricity that pass from someone you love to you when you come into physical contact with them. May also pass through telephone wires and emails, however weaker. (see “love”)
3. Ramen on a cold day. (see “satellitiness”)
4. When you will not and cannot die until you squeeze something amazing out of life.
Emotions (sing, n.)
1. Shallow, annoying, uncontrollable creatures that show up at all the wrong times and go missing when you need them most.
Art (sing, n.):
1. Lame, supermarket-frozen, concentrated juice of emotions.
Manchester United and famous last words
I am actually psychic. I called those last two shots.
And the latter would go something like this:
"If I could, I would totally be screaming right now."
And then something about invincibility.
I haven't worked that part out yet.
And the latter would go something like this:
"If I could, I would totally be screaming right now."
And then something about invincibility.
I haven't worked that part out yet.
Trainsomnia
Sleeping on trains only happens in five-minute spasms. You're never sure where to put your hand or your head, and when you finally fall asleep, your head flops over to your left, or dangles down in front of you, and you're awake again.
More angriness.
At a shoe store, I saw these converses on the shelf and wanted them. My mom asked the lady who worked there, and she told me they were for girls.
I felt like screaming.
I felt like screaming.
On forgetting to do homework
I was very angry today, so I decided to eat lots of candy.
After a while, it becomes hard to distinguish between stress and hunger.
After a while, it becomes hard to distinguish between stress and hunger.
Gnarls Barkley
I'm trying to learn how to lip-synch to Crazy. I always get tripped up at the "Hahaha, bless your soul! Do you really think you're in control?"
Nose
The more you rub your nose, the more you're convinced that there really is something hanging off in plain sight of all spectators to your Divine Play, so that by the time you leave the class, you feel the overwhelming urge to rush to the bathroom, hide in a stall and check to make sure there's really nothing there at all.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Food, books, Radiohead
All are excellent cures for stress, but I prefer the first.
A tub of grapes, devoured over two pages of math,
Home for the weekend!
The furniture arrived today, with my books:
Joyce, Hurston, Burgess, Fitzgerald.
I can't really enjoy such snobby, critic-level books,
but I suppose bringing them to campus could make me look the part of the refinedliterarytastegeoisie.
"Yes, some Updike with that would be nice..."
My envy-filled irises aim themselves at the OK Computer-loving, the Ulysses-reading.
A tub of grapes, devoured over two pages of math,
Home for the weekend!
The furniture arrived today, with my books:
Joyce, Hurston, Burgess, Fitzgerald.
I can't really enjoy such snobby, critic-level books,
but I suppose bringing them to campus could make me look the part of the refinedliterarytastegeoisie.
"Yes, some Updike with that would be nice..."
My envy-filled irises aim themselves at the OK Computer-loving, the Ulysses-reading.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thunderstorms and dreams
What will the bakery be like? Will it have a blackboard by the door with neon lettering? Perhaps I could draw a picture-of-the-day, or perhaps I would be too lazy...
But...
I dreamed last night that I was late for my PE Finals all over again.
They were riding horses and playing football, and I had never ridden a horse in my life. I kept smothering my horse's face.
Finally, they let out a cow for the final project and it began to attack my horse. I led my horse out to a field to escape from the cow, but they all kept prompting me back.
"You have to do this!" they all screamed, "You'll fail, Zephy!"
But the moment the gate opened, the cow was there,
and it began goring my horse,
and she bled and bled, and then she died,
and I started to cry because it was all my fault and their fault and I was angrier than anything in the world because the horse was Moses before he found God, and the horse was empty, and she never even found why she existed.
That day, I spent until 5 at the Lab talking with my friend about education and gay rights and all sorts of stuff, and we need to start a band and get the whole world to turn her head! "Listen up!"
But when I went to dinner today, it was raining and thundering, and I didn't have an umbrella. Nature can be quite annoying at times. And I told nature "you know, if you think you can kill me, you can't! I happen to be invincible, and I shall not die until I find why I exist!"
but then it thundered very hard, so I lowered my voice a bit...
it's a bad idea to piss Thunder off...
I still think I shall not die.
I am invincible, in case you didn't know.
I don't even know what to write about these days.
But...
I dreamed last night that I was late for my PE Finals all over again.
They were riding horses and playing football, and I had never ridden a horse in my life. I kept smothering my horse's face.
Finally, they let out a cow for the final project and it began to attack my horse. I led my horse out to a field to escape from the cow, but they all kept prompting me back.
"You have to do this!" they all screamed, "You'll fail, Zephy!"
But the moment the gate opened, the cow was there,
and it began goring my horse,
and she bled and bled, and then she died,
and I started to cry because it was all my fault and their fault and I was angrier than anything in the world because the horse was Moses before he found God, and the horse was empty, and she never even found why she existed.
That day, I spent until 5 at the Lab talking with my friend about education and gay rights and all sorts of stuff, and we need to start a band and get the whole world to turn her head! "Listen up!"
But when I went to dinner today, it was raining and thundering, and I didn't have an umbrella. Nature can be quite annoying at times. And I told nature "you know, if you think you can kill me, you can't! I happen to be invincible, and I shall not die until I find why I exist!"
but then it thundered very hard, so I lowered my voice a bit...
it's a bad idea to piss Thunder off...
I still think I shall not die.
I am invincible, in case you didn't know.
I don't even know what to write about these days.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
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Wednesday, September 9, 2009
AIYEMAINGREE!
Someday! I want to look at life, death, and everything in between and say "this wasn't wasted!" and to feel invincible! unstoppable! significant! because I've done something that can never! be undone, and I know I can live forever through that, somehow! or somewhere! or someday!
I want something to define me! and to define the world! and to define everythingandeveryone!
Fulfillment! Not-emptiness! Death to satellites!
More than love, dreams, happiness, anything, everything-in-the-world!!!!!!!!!!
I! wish! for!
I want something to define me! and to define the world! and to define everythingandeveryone!
Fulfillment! Not-emptiness! Death to satellites!
More than love, dreams, happiness, anything, everything-in-the-world!!!!!!!!!!
I! wish! for!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
A defense of gay rights, or the first and last time the logically challenged ENFP will write about politics
The sole purpose of the US government is to uphold the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in the individuals it governs, and its laws exist to prevent any individual from depriving any other individual of these rights. Some moral issues facing our country today, such as gay marriage, may strike many as reprehensible and morally wrong, and wrong they may be. However, I don’t believe the government should be taking a role in restricting it. The government does not serve as a moral agent. The government serves to protect rights.
Earlier, someone mentioned the issue of changes in morality as society progresses. Will society just change its morals to suit public opinion? In defense, I would say that while public opinion on morality may change, the purpose of the government as an upholder of rights should not.
But what of your example of pro-pedophilia groups in the United States? Might gay rights pave the way to pedophiles' rights? I don’t believe this is a relevant example. The problem with pedophilia mainly concerns the question of whether the child has the maturity to make the decision to lend his/her body to such an act with full knowledge of the physical and psychological consequences; if such an act is done without the child’s decision to do so and the child suffers psychological harm as a result (which may not always happen, but should never happen at all), his/her right to happiness has been denied. If, however, it can be proven that the child can and does consent to the act (and let it be known that I think such a notion exists only in the wishful thinking of the perpetrator), it would no longer be constitutional to make this act illegal.
Of course, I am not saying it is morally right to do so; whether it is ethically wrong is still a big problem. But remember: the government doesn’t serve to uphold ethical standards. As you have mentioned earlier, ethics and morals may—and will—change as society progresses. And as I have mentioned, the role of the government should not.
So if anyone has any more issues with the ethics of gay marriage, let him go ahead and protest the ethics—it is fully within his constitutional rights to do so. Perhaps he can even start organizations to condone it, or churches to offer aid. However, let him not force the government into a role it was not intended for.
Am done ranting now. See the work of my hands! It sounds all professional and braggy and falsely mature, like a teen blog should.
And abortion is like taking away someone’s potential to be amazing.
And this shall be the only and last time I write about a political issue.
I
think
I may regret this several years from now.
Lalalalawarondrugs.
Earlier, someone mentioned the issue of changes in morality as society progresses. Will society just change its morals to suit public opinion? In defense, I would say that while public opinion on morality may change, the purpose of the government as an upholder of rights should not.
But what of your example of pro-pedophilia groups in the United States? Might gay rights pave the way to pedophiles' rights? I don’t believe this is a relevant example. The problem with pedophilia mainly concerns the question of whether the child has the maturity to make the decision to lend his/her body to such an act with full knowledge of the physical and psychological consequences; if such an act is done without the child’s decision to do so and the child suffers psychological harm as a result (which may not always happen, but should never happen at all), his/her right to happiness has been denied. If, however, it can be proven that the child can and does consent to the act (and let it be known that I think such a notion exists only in the wishful thinking of the perpetrator), it would no longer be constitutional to make this act illegal.
Of course, I am not saying it is morally right to do so; whether it is ethically wrong is still a big problem. But remember: the government doesn’t serve to uphold ethical standards. As you have mentioned earlier, ethics and morals may—and will—change as society progresses. And as I have mentioned, the role of the government should not.
So if anyone has any more issues with the ethics of gay marriage, let him go ahead and protest the ethics—it is fully within his constitutional rights to do so. Perhaps he can even start organizations to condone it, or churches to offer aid. However, let him not force the government into a role it was not intended for.
Am done ranting now. See the work of my hands! It sounds all professional and braggy and falsely mature, like a teen blog should.
And abortion is like taking away someone’s potential to be amazing.
And this shall be the only and last time I write about a political issue.
I
think
I may regret this several years from now.
Lalalalawarondrugs.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
From a facebook note:
But for now, let’s not give up, ever, because one day, we will be in Paris, I promise, and I’ll scream down to the world and Time and Fate, and everyone else in that conspiracy, “Take a look at us now! We’re invincible! You guys thought you could tear us down by sending us creepy voices through our phone lines? You guys are all pathetic!”I love you, and I would totally love you more if I could!
Eternal optimism and never say die!
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