If I was God...

I would make the world a more beautiful place. E and shrooms would be their Bible, and maybe once in a while, I would make miracles happen, or perhaps come and visit.

I'd make everyone really want to love one another.
And I would let the people choose whom they want to fall in love with. They wouldn't have to lose their temper or struggle with misplaced love or selfishness.

And I don't know what I would do about suffering. Sometimes something wrong makes an ideal so much more appealing, and inequality gives you something to fight against. But I wouldn't be so good of a god anymore if I just wanted a good play to watch, would I?

I think I'd make a bad god.

But...
At least my people wouldn't feel like sputniks.

Hey... today, I talked to an old friend of mine, and she was very nice... and the art teacher complimented my artwork quite a lot... like "best I've ever seen!"

I was happy, I guess.
Yet I felt arrogant and commercialized and fake and angry at myself...

And I've been so depressed this week because of this story I read... Here<-- Genie, I wish I could have saved her. Why did they stop helping her? I wish I could help her.

Sometimes I do wish the world was like this really beautiful place.

Rain stuffs....

It'll rain tomorrow.

Rain, rain, rain... I slept for two hours because of the rain.. it drowns out all the noise and drains the sky of all its colors... how cliche.
i used to say it was like God crying, but that sounds cliche as well.

But the umbrella was too small the other day. I was soaked and the tips of my pant-legs clung to me as I walked for the rest of the day... cold,cold,cold.... I went to bed with asthma that night and woke up sick.

Rain is much more beautiful in stories.

Maybe

one day i'll be amazing
and this blog will be a time capsule...

An epidemic and my alphabet book...

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A fatal epidemic has swept the nation of Fur-Seal-Land and left 2/3 of the population dead. A yellow seal was among the first struck. His death just weeks ago has shocked many seal doctors who believed his fungal disease to be merely an inconvenience. His death, however, was not the last. Last night, a green seal has died in a gruesome case of this new disease. 2/3 of the population are dead, but spared a young green seal. It seems to hit larger seals the hardest for some peculiar reason.

:P Yep, they're dying off. I don't have much to say today. I finished my alphabet book. Perhaps I should post it up here sometime, hmmm?

Oh, yeah, and did you know Mana's a guy?

I like this story a lot.

I wrote a story.



It's about Ken, who falls in love with another boy named Ax, but then Ax dies in Vietnam. It's also about the narrator, who's liked by a really young girl. There are cat chases and moths in streetlights and contrails and fans in empty restaurants and one way trains on circular tracks, and at the end, Ken is asleep on a train...

I think I'm really happy with it. i wrote out the whole thing on this page... the summary... it's really long, and i don't have time to post it now.

But i really want this feeling to be heard... because... Ken thought that any dream you could actually catch wasn't worth running after, because it's not good enough. I really wish something amazing could happen.
I don't think anyone is really reading this, or anyone would actually be interested in the story if they were, and i already know the story by heart.... so...

maybe i'll go to bed.

but the ending is so nice... they sleep the empty cabin of the subway going through the town, and music is playing over static on the loudspeakers... it's like they've come so far, and they're going in circles on the one-way train again... they never really got anywhere in the end...

and there are cats as well... in the town...

i'll sleep early tonight...

Bonam noctem...
Defessus sum, esurioque

Satellitey?

i haven't written in a while. i don't know what to talk about, really... right now i feel all satellitey... really detached and upset and confused... we need a word for that, you know?

Yesterday, I saw a caterpillar on the road. It was a stupid kind... it was a wonder it was still alive. I tried to move it, but it wouldn't budge. i made my friend's dad drive to the left to avoid hitting it.

Do you think desperately wanting something is sometimes more noble than naturally having it? Does acting a certain way, doing kind things to someone you wish you loved, justify your feelings?

Maybe if you wear the mask long enough, you become the mask