Long, Retarded Rant (please ignore)

Today is one of those days...
It's snowing, I'm in love, and maybe I deserve to feel happy for once, but I'm really, really upset.

Perhaps it's the fact that I have a crush on three girls at once, or perhaps it's because I look bad and can't ever afford to buy the kind of clothes that I've planned to dress in, or perhaps it's because I can never be that relaxed, kind, social guy I want to be, or...

I think I'll take a personality quiz. Most only ever say good things about you. The ones that criticize you enough never get popular.

It's true, isn't it?

Hmmm...

I would like very much to scream something to the world and give my ideas all the attention they could ever wish for. I would like to be able to write my own Story, without anything ever interfering with my plans... play God for a day, though I'm sure I wouldn't be fit for the job even for such a time...

It's like the 90's, right? Gen X, Nirvana, burning out...

I would like to burn out. Perhaps I'll be remembered for saying "The world is beautiful" at the end of a tragic life... the irony!

But perhaps happiness is the most important thing.

Just chemicals swirling in your brain... dopamine and endorphins? Are we all just little wind-up bunnies programmed to feed our desires and prosper? Perhaps. But it doesn't matter... I would like to be happy, to make others happy (how foolish, when we only get so long to enjoy ourselves)...

Taoism is a nice philosophy, though I don't quite understand all of it.

A boy at our school has disappeared. I hope to God he hasn't killed himself. I would like to tell him how much I miss him when he gets back, if he ever does...

I would like to be bisexual.

Sometimes I don't even know what I'm talking about.

And perhaps I've ranted enough now. I can't seem to make myself feel any better, nor can I write at all today. It's coming out very forced and cheesy, like a bad teen novel full of male Mary-Sue vampires...

And I'm too lazy to post a drawing today, or even a picture of Kurt.

Maybe I'll be somebody someday.

The Downward Spiral

I love that album.
This might be the only unique thing to come out of the 80's. Alright, I'm kidding. There's stuff like Front 242 and then there's stuff like Appetite for Destruction that I really can't say is bad,

But this album,
Wow.
No, seriously, it's up there with Dark Side.
It's up there with The Little Prince, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Catcher in the Rye, and I have horrible taste in books.







I was reading Night the other night.
I thought, this book doesn't move me at all, and it should. Alright, that violin scene had me shed a few tears, but apart from that...
Music doesn't move me the way it should.
My love life, my friends, it's all so much better in my head. Reality never quite measures up.
Everything is in my head these days. "Life is but a dream," from an Aria ad.
Hmmmmm? Maybe I'm just a narcissist. Maybe that's why I'm here, blogging about it, right?
Lalalalalaaaaa....

But the world really is beautiful.
Remember that.
When people are mean to you, or maybe when you're mean to yourself, you can look up to the sky and see a contrail just drifting and perhaps that's how you feel. I have no idea. It never quite works for me, and I go home and play grunge, which never quite works either.
So then I just sleep for hours and maybe dream about what could have been.

But on a side note, grunge is amazing.
It's music that speaks to me. Like that other stuff, psychedelia, industrial, hip-hop, dance, whatever music I'm in love with, it's so fake... it takes tons of money and production and time...
I mean, I'm satisfied wiht the results, yeah, just...
Grunge is raw. You site down after a stressful day, put the amp all the way up, play your fucking brains out,

"TO HELL WITH THIS WORLD! TO HELL WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! I WISH I COULD DISAPPEAR! WHY CAN'T IT ALL WORK OUT?"

and you mean it, and you lose yourself until the moment you decide to open your eyes again.

Speaking of which, read Solanin.
I mean that.
Read it. Finish it.
It's one of the few good things I've found...
The girl, the guys, I just think they're such real characters, and the stuff they do is so cute sometimes, like the mailbox guy and the frog thing... Yaaaaaay!

Why am I bolding the first sentence of every paragraph? :P

Hey, I had this big project today. Actually 5. It's that time of the month again... I never start my projects until the day before they're due. God, I'm stressed like you have no idea what.

But back to manga. We lolicons have this negative association with us these days, like we're pedophiles or something. Even if that's what we are, most of us are too introverted, closety, munching on Pocky (which really is overrated) kinda guys to really do much.
>.< <---aaaaaaaa cute! But hey, I haven't touched it in a while, actually. I don't want to be arrested like that Handley guy.

That loli clock that this girl reviewed that I originally found on Sankaku (godly site :o) really is quite cute...
^ - ^

Yaaaay! I'm in love with cute stuffs! I drew eyes on a balloon yesterday and made him into a seal (or maybe a neon-colored boob if you squeeze all the water to this one side...). He was kinda leaking at first, out of his nose, so I went around giving these seal kisses to everyone! He's alright now, for some reason. I left him in a cup overnight, so I guess he recovered!

Hey, I'll post a pic if I ever remember, alright?

What was I on about originally? TDS... Riiiight.
Hey, Trent's so hot, you have no idea... like those other guys, Pete Wentz, Matt Bellamy, whateverrrr... Trent, he's got that serious, sad look in his eyes, that tall face, that seriously sweet hair that he HAD TO CUT. (see the pics?)
And alas, he has lost his awesomeness.


Unlike Kurt, who remains amazing and godly.

His early stuff was great. What happened to stuff like TDS and Pretty Hate Machine? It's like his ideas went away with his hair... so sad... T-T <---see, those sad smileys don't work with this font... Hey, whatever, I'm about done ranting. It's almost 12, and i haven't touched my chem in a while... Oh, one last thing. I wish I was a girl.......................... Even more, I wish everyone was all equally nice and loving................... I'm so jealous of everyone all the time SO JEALOUS AAAAAAAA........ Hmmmm, whatever, back to chem, la di laaaa.

And one other last thing:
That black guy has some amazing wall-flipping skills ;P

Just Another Teen Blog

So today, while we were chatting, my friend suggested that I create a blog. Don't think I haven't tried before. I have. It's just that sometime after that first post, all motivation died within me, and alas...

But after I read this guy's, I think I'll give it another shot. I guess it's not much different from a journal, anyway. And it's much harder to lose.

Hmmm...

Here's to another shot at mediocre teen blogging:

Psychic Spy Satellites!

(kurt and a cat)-->